Divorce is never easy, no matter how long you’ve been together. It’s a pain unlike any other because of the unique history you both share. Often, due to the hurtful nature of separation, the only thing you want to do is get as far away from the other person as you can, much less think about a friendship. However, many couples do manage a mature friendship in time, and here are several ways they do it.
Give Each Other a Minute
If remaining friends with your ex sounds like an impossible task, remember that time heals all wounds. Even if your split was amicable and you went through an uncontested divorce Tampa, it’s still a huge change. Giving each other time to let things settle and get used to a new normal is the best foundation on which to build a friendship.
Keep the Past in the Past
Rehashing the events of the past is a sure way to keep painful memories alive and well. At some point, you must walk away from the past and begin again. Remember that both of you contributed to the breakup, so both should own their mistakes and learn from them. Keeping the memories of all the things you did right and leaving behind the rest opens the door for a possible friendship.
It’s difficult to move past the bitterness of a divorce and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s said that forgiveness is for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving and not for the one that caused the pain. Forgiveness is like releasing a huge burden from your shoulders and you’ll feel much freer. Likewise, if you’re beating yourself up for past mistakes, now’s the time to forgive yourself, too. When the blaming stops, friendship is always a possibility.
Maintain Your Boundaries
After time has passed and healing has occurred, many couples find that they enjoy having their ex as a good friend. However, both of you need to have boundaries. The dynamic of the relationship has changed, therefore, so do the rules. For example, having an intimate relationship with your ex will only serve to cause pain and force the healing process to start all over again.
If friendship after divorce sounds like an impossible feat, remember that you can’t predict your future feelings. When you give it time, learn to forgive each other and maintain boundaries, you might be surprised what’s possible.